Sunday, June 26, 2011

Stood up.

Number of months since CombatBoots returned from last deployment: Exactly Six
Number of times the two of us have gone out as a couple since then: Exactly ZERO

He stood me up.  Again.

Things haven't been going well lately as it is, and we had plans to go out last night.  Now, keep in mind that this is the first time since his return that HE suggested we go somewhere.  Right before he came back, I bought this hot lil' red dress that I just *knew* I'd be wearing out for New Year's Eve.  Nope.

Then I assumed we'd be making plans for Valentine's Day.  Nope.

Okay, well his birthday was coming up after that.  Nope.

Alright well this month is our 10 year anniversary!  Surely I'll get to wear the dress then!  NOPE.

It's a difficult thing when your own husband stands you up for a date.  Honestly, I wanted to go just to GO, you know?  Like I said, we have done absolutely nothing as a couple since his return, and it's killing me.  Our marriage is suffering.  But last night, as I cried silently to myself (as I'm doing now) and sobbed into my arm each time the pain in my chest told me how much further my heart was breaking... I made sure I got it all out then so that CurlyQs 1 and 2 didn't have to deal with seeing Mommy cry.  It almost worked, until CombatBoots himself came in to "investigate" my sniffling.

CombatBoots: "What's wrong with you?"
PanitedToes: "What do you MEAN, what's wrong with ME?!?!?!"
CombatBoots: "I mean, what's wrong with you?"

Okay now honestly, this is a ploy.  I am starting to think it's a defense tactic.  It's his way of rationalizing things.  As long as *I* am the one who is irrational, overly-emotional, high-strung, and dramatic, then *I* am the one with the problem.  And he has told me exactly that himself, time and time again.  But I am tired... I am so tired of this.

The last time he told me that, I went ahead finally and contacted Military Onesource and I am now getting counseling services thanks to them.  I've just had my second session, and GOD I hope it helps because I really am starting to lose it, people!  The telephone counseling session/pre-screening was great.  The counselor I am currently seeing is fantastic, she really is!  But if my husband is refusing treatment... all the counseling in the world won't be able to do a thing for me, really... will it?

Thanks for reading.

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